Assalam Walaikum Warahmatullah dear
sisters.
I am sorry for the really long lack of
updates and articles. I have been busy and occupied this month with so many
different things.
A few of those things have led me onto a
path of thought and self reflection upon those three words: Love, Weddings and
Marriage. As close in appearance as these words may seem, they are actually 3
completely different concepts and as a sister, I think it is important to know
more about all three of those.
To compensate for the absence, I will
upload articles and videos following those 3 themes Inshallah, over the next
month, and hopefully, guide myself and you my beautiful sisters into a peaceful
and happy marriage, Inshallah.
First allow me to talk a bit about what’s
been going on in my head. Last night, I went to as sister’s Mehndi night. It
was a really nice evening with all the sisters chatting and dancing along,
eating some yummy food and getting some henna done. But one of the parts of the
party that marked me the most was one of the talks given by a sister. She spoke
about marriage, and how to make the marriage work islamically. That both
husband and wife must know their place and respect those rules for a smooth
functional marriage. She recommended
a book which exists both for husbands and wives: Winning The Heart Of Your
Husband/Wife by Ibraahim ibn
Saaleh al-Mahmud.
A wedding, sure is a beautiful occasion,
but the wedding party is superficial, and the real work needs to be put into
the actual marriage. As an engaged woman, I can testify that you tend to focus
so much on the wedding that you forget to work on the actual marriage which
could end up in disaster. And if some of us marry for love, others marry and
hope to find love, both being only achievable if a certain amount of work is
put into marriage. Love isn’t what will make your marriage work. Love is
sometimes what brought you together in the first place, or what grows in a
successful marriage. This is a truth I have only recently learned through both
experience and reading. No matter how much you love your spouse, it is going to
take work to make it last.
But this isn’t me being negative, on the
opposite. It is an adventure, where both side have to take risks, learn about
the other person, adapt where they can but more importantly it is also a
journey of self-discovery.
Here are some things to get us thinking:
-Don’t expect perfection out of your
spouse, as you are not perfect yourself. Seek self-perfection first, look at
your mistakes before judging your other half.
-Learn to speak their language. Most of us
speak what we can call “an emotional language”. That is the way you express
your love, and feel most loved in. Gary Chapman, a Christian couple councilor
wrote a very interesting book about this called “the 5 Languages of Love”. It
was recommended to me by a sister and have found it really helpful. Check out
their webpage to find out what your language is: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/
-Romance is what beginnings are made of. As
time goes by, we might forget to let our spouse know how much we really do
appreciate him. If he/she makes you a cuppa, show your appreciation. Any small
gesture if appreciated, can go a long way. And make sure you keep doing the
same on your side, little gestures of affection do speak louder than words.
Finally I recommend this series of videos from Lewisham Islamic Centre about marriage. Mashallah, they are very inspiring!
Hope this can help some of you my sisters,
these are my private musings, as you know researched in books and online so
please do forgive me if I have made any mistakes.
Salam to all.
And Mabrook to all of you recently or about
to be married sisters!!!
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