Monday, 3 September 2012

Love, Weddings and Marriage.

Assalam Walaikum Warahmatullah dear sisters.

I am sorry for the really long lack of updates and articles. I have been busy and occupied this month with so many different things.

A few of those things have led me onto a path of thought and self reflection upon those three words: Love, Weddings and Marriage. As close in appearance as these words may seem, they are actually 3 completely different concepts and as a sister, I think it is important to know more about all three of those.
To compensate for the absence, I will upload articles and videos following those 3 themes Inshallah, over the next month, and hopefully, guide myself and you my beautiful sisters into a peaceful and happy marriage, Inshallah.

First allow me to talk a bit about what’s been going on in my head. Last night, I went to as sister’s Mehndi night. It was a really nice evening with all the sisters chatting and dancing along, eating some yummy food and getting some henna done. But one of the parts of the party that marked me the most was one of the talks given by a sister. She spoke about marriage, and how to make the marriage work islamically. That both husband and wife must know their place and respect those rules for a smooth functional marriage.  She recommended a book which exists both for husbands and wives: Winning The Heart Of Your Husband/Wife by Ibraahim ibn Saaleh al-Mahmud.

A wedding, sure is a beautiful occasion, but the wedding party is superficial, and the real work needs to be put into the actual marriage. As an engaged woman, I can testify that you tend to focus so much on the wedding that you forget to work on the actual marriage which could end up in disaster. And if some of us marry for love, others marry and hope to find love, both being only achievable if a certain amount of work is put into marriage. Love isn’t what will make your marriage work. Love is sometimes what brought you together in the first place, or what grows in a successful marriage. This is a truth I have only recently learned through both experience and reading. No matter how much you love your spouse, it is going to take work to make it last.
But this isn’t me being negative, on the opposite. It is an adventure, where both side have to take risks, learn about the other person, adapt where they can but more importantly it is also a journey of self-discovery.

Here are some things to get us thinking:

-Don’t expect perfection out of your spouse, as you are not perfect yourself. Seek self-perfection first, look at your mistakes before judging your other half.

-Learn to speak their language. Most of us speak what we can call “an emotional language”. That is the way you express your love, and feel most loved in. Gary Chapman, a Christian couple councilor wrote a very interesting book about this called “the 5 Languages of Love”. It was recommended to me by a sister and have found it really helpful. Check out their webpage to find out what your language is:

-Romance is what beginnings are made of. As time goes by, we might forget to let our spouse know how much we really do appreciate him. If he/she makes you a cuppa, show your appreciation. Any small gesture if appreciated, can go a long way. And make sure you keep doing the same on your side, little gestures of affection do speak louder than words.

Finally I recommend this series of videos from Lewisham Islamic Centre about marriage. Mashallah, they are very inspiring!

Hope this can help some of you my sisters, these are my private musings, as you know researched in books and online so please do forgive me if I have made any mistakes.

Salam to all.

And Mabrook to all of you recently or about to be married sisters!!!

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